


experimental marital statuses and postmortem karma

by Rustyanklebraclet



Series: Community episode rewrites [9]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Episode Related, Episode: s05e04 Cooperative Polygraphy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Nightmares, Practice Kissing, Sharing a Bed, Weddings, buzz hickey was dan harmons weird fan creation and i reserve the right to ignore it, will tag as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rustyanklebraclet/pseuds/Rustyanklebraclet
Summary: “In addition,” Mr. Stone says, as they all turn back to him “I am prepared to leave Troy Barnes my remaining shares in the Hawthorne Wipes company, currently valued at 14.3 million dollars.”The study group gasps. Jeff sits forward in his chair, and they all glance at each other.“On one condition.”Troy frowns.“He must be married. If at the time of my death, he is still unwed, he has fourteen days to do so. Otherwise, the funds will be turned into gold coins of equivalent value, and my corpse will be dug up so they can be buried alongside it”
Relationships: Background Annie Edison/Original Female Character(s), Troy Barnes & Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes & Britta Perry, Troy Barnes & Jeff Winger, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Series: Community episode rewrites [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772773
Comments: 107
Kudos: 388





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i realized literally like ten minutes ago that gay marriage wasnt legalized in Colorado until like eight months after this should theoretically take place, and wasnt fully legalized in the states until 2016 (i think?) so. idk suspend your disbelief on that one. god knows we're living in the darkest timeline anyways, lets just say thats why and not because im a moron. this is literally based on the event in the sims where you have to get married in a week i dont know what you expect from me by now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unconventional marriage proposals, nightmares, and thermoses of an old man's semen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning in this chapter for breif descriptions of a nightmare/panic attack

“Troy Barnes, did you know that you possess the greatest gift life can give, the heart of a hero, and that it’s up to you not to waste it like I did?”

Troy frowns. “I think?”

“To Troy, I leave the obligatory sperm.”

Troy watches the metal cylinder for a moment, steam rapidly seeping from the top. He can see his own reflection in it, and it’s skewed. Distorted. There’s a metaphor in there that Abed would be able to explain better than he can.

“Maybe it’s because everyone else got one, and because it’s an old man’s semen, but I'm kind of disappointed.”

“In addition,” Mr. Stone says, as they all turn back to him “I am prepared to leave Troy Barnes my remaining shares in the Hawthorne Wipes company, currently valued at 14.3 million dollars.”

The study group gasps. Jeff sits forward in his chair, and they all glance at each other.

“On one condition.”

Troy frowns.

“He must be married. If at the time of my death, he is still unwed, he has fourteen days to do so. Otherwise, the funds will be turned into gold coins of equivalent value, and my corpse will be dug up so they can be buried alongside it”

“What?”

“In the latter circumstances, this marriage does not need to be with someone that Troy is romantically involved with before the reading of my will. However, the time leading up to the wedding, the wedding itself, and the six months following the ceremony, will need to be observed by one of my lawyers - that will be me - to verify the validity of their relationship. A more intensive polygraph test will also need to be performed on Troy, his partner, and a witness to the relationship.”

Mr. Stone sets down the document he had been reading from, and folds his hands on top of it as he looks at the group.

“Hold on,” says Jeff, looking at Troy “this is totally unreasonable. I’m sure we could fight this, there are laws about-”

“Actually, Mr. Winger,” Mr. Stone interrupts, “the language of the document is highly specific. You can look over it yourself if you feel the need, but being able to overrule these conditions is highly improbable.”

\---

The ride home is unusually silent. None of them bothers to try to start a conversation, too wrapped up in their own thoughts.

The apartment is dark when they get home. It was already getting late when they got back from the funeral, and the polygraph had taken even longer.

Annie comes in last, and she barely makes it past the door. She just stops and stares at the glinting tiara in her hands. She did the same thing the entire ride home.

“Annie?” Troy says, softly “are you alright?”

He winces, because it’s a stupid question, but this doesn’t register with her. She just swallows, and shrugs.

“I don’t know. It’s a lot. I know how awful he was to everyone, myself included, but I just...” she trails off, staring into the distance for a moment “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

She kisses both of their cheeks, and disappears into her bedroom.

Troy looks over to where Abed is rooting through Annie’s schoolbag where she had set it down. After a moment, he removes her silver thermos, and picks up his own, that he had set on the floor next to him.

“What are you doing?” Troy asks, vaguely amused.

“I‘m going to flush her sperm for her. I think it will help with the grieving process. I’m flushing mine, as well.” he walks towards the bathroom, and calls back “do you want me to do yours?”

“Yeah, thanks. Hold on.”

Troy locates his own thermos and goes into the bathroom, where Abed is trying to figure out how to get the top off the futuristic containers. He sets his own on the counter, and leans against the doorframe as Abed finally gets the one in his hand open.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do about the money?” Abed asks, grimacing as he empties the thermos.

“I don’t know. I mean, I have to decline, right? I can’t just find someone to marry me in two weeks, and even if I could, there's no way we could pass six months' worth of examinations _plus_ polygraph tests. It wouldn’t be fair to expect that of someone else.”

“You could pay them,” Abed suggests, “hire an actor and pay them a massive sum of money once the job is complete, because that means you’ll have Pierce's fortune.”

“I guess,” Troy says “but I feel like _I_ would be the issue in that situation, not them. Like I would struggle if it was with someone I didn't know.”

“There is another option.”

“What is it?”

“I could marry you.”

Abed says it completely nonchalantly, emptying the second thermos into the toilet without looking up as he says it. It takes Troy’s brain a second to catch up, actually, but when it does:

“Huh?”

“I said,” Abed closes the thermos, and looks up at Troy “I could marry you. We know each other extremely well, and we’re so close that everyone always assumes we’re a couple anyways. It’s the most logical conclusion. Plus, the comedic irony to you marrying a man to claim the fortune of a known homophobe is very appealing to me. Pass me your sperm.”

Troy absently passes the container to Abed, brow furrowed “would that even work?”

“Well, there’s no guarantee. I could run simulations if you would like, but I think the chances are good.”

“I’m not gay, though.”

Abed shrugs “you don’t need to be. It’s not an actual relationship. Arguably, that makes this easier, because the potential of real feelings complicating this operation if it were between you and a woman is eliminated.”

Abed flushes the toilet, and stands, collecting the containers.

“I should mention, though, in case it changes things. I’m bisexual.”

“What? Since when?”

Abed thinks for a moment “always, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Troy blurts. He starts to backtrack, but Abed doesn’t seem to be offended, just shrugs again.

“It wasn't relevant. So, do you want to get married or not? Because you should probably decide soon.”

“Yeah, sure. Why not?”

“Several reasons, actually, but I’m assuming that was rhetorical.”

Troy nods, and picks up one of the metal containers from where Abed had set them down on the counter.

“Do you think we should keep these? They look like they’re pretty high quality, but I don’t know how I feel about drinking coffee out of something that had a dead old man’s sperm in it.”

\---

They spend the night planning their backstory. They agree to keep how they got together as close to the real story as possible, that they confessed their feelings for each other the night after the will reading, and are going to get married the following weekend.

“Wait,” Troy says, “that Stone guy said we need a witness to the relationship.”

“Oh, I thought that was obvious. Annie should be our witness,” Abed says “she lives with us, and while she knows us best, she’s easily excited when it comes to romance and will overlook the incredible coincidence. Also, it would distract her from Pierce’s death.”

“That makes sense.”

They’re both sitting in Troy’s room, going over their plan. Abed has a small notebook in his hands where he’s writing things down.

“I should probably start sleeping in here, too. I don’t have to, but it would add a layer of realism.”

“No, it’s cool. I’ve kind of missed being in the same room as you. Do you want to move the bunk beds in here in the morning?”

Abed blinks at him. “I meant in your bed.”

“Oh,” Troy says, not sure why his face is heating up “that makes more sense. Yeah, okay.”

Abed nods, and goes back to scribbling something down on the page. Something occurs to Troy.

“Do you think we’re going to have to kiss and stuff?”

Abed looks back at him, thinking.

“Kiss, definitely. If by stuff you mean sex, then almost certainly not.”

“Oh. okay.”

Abed nods. “Public displays of affection will help sell us as a couple, but that doesn’t always have to be kissing.”

They go over details for a bit longer, including agreeing not to tell Annie that the relationship isn’t real (Troy feels bad about this, but Abed tells him that the least amount of loose threads possible is necessary if they want to be successful)

Eventually, Troy yawns. Abed leans over to check the clock beside Troy's bed.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Abed says, and Troy looks as well, seeing that the clock reads 2:34 am. “I’m going to go change, and brush my teeth.”

“Okay.”

A little more than ten minutes later, they’re both standing at the foot of Troy’s bed.

“Which side do you want?” Troy asks.

“I’ll take the side that you don’t use. It’s your bed.”

“Oh, uh-” Troy holds out both his hands, trying to figure out left from right, and suddenly can’t remember what an L is supposed to look like.

“Just point.”

Troy motions toward his side of the bed, and Abed nods. They both get into bed, and lie on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. Troy isn’t sure what happens next.

“Troy?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know how well we’ll sleep with the light on.”

“Oh. right.”

The lamp is on Troy’s side of the bed. He reaches over and shuts it off.

Troy doesn’t get why things feel so awkward. They’ve shared all sorts of spaces far smaller than this - The study room couches, the bottom bunk of their old beds, the back of Jeff’s car when they went on their St. Patricks day fishing trip, among other things. Why is this massive bed suddenly making Troy’s insides feel like warm scrambled eggs?

“Goodnight, Troy.”

“Goodnight, Abed.”

**\---**

Troy wakes with a sharp gasp. His head spins as air comes both far too quick and not quick enough, and his fingers scrabble at the sheet frantically in a futile attempt to ground himself. He’s panicking, and he’s distantly aware that he doesn’t need to be; that he’s fine, it was just a dream. But he can’t stop.

There’s a rustling beside him, and a groggy voice mumbling “Troy?”

That’s right. Abed.

He just needs to tell him that everything was fine - _I had a nightmare, go back to sleep, I’m okay_ \- but he feels like he’s drowning, air bubbling up in his throat where words should be.

“Troy, what’s going on?” Abed sounds more alert now, as he sits up properly. Troy just keeps hyperventilating, and Abed seems to realize what’s happening.

“Can I touch you?” he asks, and Troy is able to nod, somewhat frantically.

“Okay,” Abed puts an arm around his shoulders, uses the other one to find Troy’s hand and laces it with his “you’re okay. Try to take a deep breath, we’ll do it together.”

Abed takes a long inhale, holds, and then a long exhale, smooth and solid to Troy’s shaky gasps. They go through the process several times, until Troy has successfully done three breaths that match Abed’s.

“Here, lie down,” Abed says, easing backwards, not letting go of Troy.

Troy rests in Abed’s arms and falls asleep like that, Abed rubbing circles into his shoulder as the first hints of sunlight start to come through the window.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Announcements, cryptic conversations, and things settling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say i'm sorry about how long its taking me to reply to comments. you are all very sweet and i read everything (usually more than once) but something about replying gets me really fuckin anxious idk. also there was like a crazy amount of comments on the first chapter alone (compared to what i'm used to) in a pretty short span of time and its very overwhelming. i don't think anyone is like, sitting at home stewing because some rando on the internet didnt respond to their comment on a fanfiction, but just thought id be clear that i really appreciate your feedback <3

Troy wakes up still wrapped up in Abed’s arms. He rests there for a moment, vaguely wondering what time it is.

“I’m awake,” Abed says, from above him.

“Okay.”

Neither of them moves.

“It’s 9:38,” Abed tells him, like he can read Troy's mind (at this point, Troy wonders if maybe he can).

“How long have you been up?”

“Not long, if that’s what you were worried about. I didn’t want to disturb you, but I also have to pee, so I was going to wake you up soon anyways. Could you let me up?”

Troy sits forward, and Abed leaves. He fiddles with the comforter and wonders if he can ask Abed to lie back down so that they can keep cuddling, but he’s not sure how to do that without seeming weird and also sort of gay. Which is ironic, considering the entire reason they were cuddling in the first place, but that’s a different issue.

“We should tell Annie now,” Abed says, shutting the door behind him and looking at Troy. “She’s in the kitchen. She asked if I wanted pancakes.”

“You said yes, right?”

“I did. Then she asked why I was going into your room, and I told her I slept here last night, which she had almost no reaction to. Another example of why I don’t think anyone will question this.”

“So do you want to just tell her like, now now, or wait until after breakfast?”

Abed shrugs. “I don’t see the point in waiting.”

“You’re probably right.”

Abed just nods and holds out his hand. Troy takes it without thinking, and they walk out into the kitchen, where Annie is mixing pancake batter in a bowl.

“Hey guys,” she says “chocolate chips or blueberries? Or half and half? I’m kind of leaning toward half and half, but-” 

Annie cuts herself off when she finally looks up, eyes darting toward their hands and back to their faces.

“What’s up?”

“We’re dating. And also engaged,” Troy says

Annie is silent for several seconds, processing this. But she catches up soon enough, and shrieks, nearly dropping the bowl in her haste to set it down on the counter and rush toward them both. She wraps the two of them in a hug, but freezes after a moment, and leans back, one hand on each of their shoulders.

“Wait, this is just because of the Pierce thing, isn’t it? You guys aren’t actually together.”

Troy opens his mouth, but Abed speaks before him. “That’s the reason we’re engaged, but our relationship is real. We confessed to each other last night.”

Annie, just as Abed had said she would, believes this without hesitation. Her massive grin returns, and she hugs them again, resuming her squealing.

“Then I’m so happy for you guys! You have no idea how long I've been rooting for you.”

“Does that include all the time you spent trying to get Troy and Britta together?”

\---

They had initially planned on just waiting until Monday to tell the rest of the group about the engagement, but Annie wants to start helping them plan the wedding and doesn’t want to do so alone.

“Annie, there isn’t really a wedding to plan,” Troy tells her “we’re probably just going to go to city hall or something. We don’t exactly have the money for a massive ceremony.”

“Oh, come on. There’s a middle ground between city hall and the royal wedding.”

“I know there is. That doesn’t mean we need to be there.”

Abed grips Troy’s arm and leads him away from Annie, leans in and speaks quietly so that she won’t hear them.

“I would appreciate the opportunity to explore some classic wedding sitcom tropes. If you don’t mind.”

Troy shrugs. “I’m alright with it.”

“Because I’m an honest person,” Annie says from where she stands a few feet away, “I’d just like to tell you that I was eavesdropping, and would like to formally request the title of wedding planner.”

“I don’t know who else would do it,” Abed says, and Annie claps.

“Oh, okay, great! I still have stuff from when Shirley and Andre got remarried, let me go get it!”

She hurries off into her bedroom, and Abed turns to Troy.

“I wasn’t trying to be nice, I genuinely don’t know who else would do the job.”

\---

Not long after, Annie, Shirley, Britta, Jeff, and (inexplicably) the dean are all crowded around their dining table, Troy and Abed standing in front of them as they mutter amongst each other. Annie is practically vibrating with excitement at the upcoming announcement and keeps shooting Troy beaming smiles that he returns with meek grins and thumbs up.

“Okay! Listen up!” Abed shouts, suddenly, thumping his hand on the table and startling the group (as well as Troy).

“We have an announcement,” he says, and Annie lets out a (likely involuntary) squeak of excitement. Jeff gives her an odd look. “Troy and I are engaged.”

Everyone opens their mouth to speak at once, but Abed holds up a hand. “There will be time for questions in a moment, but let me give you some base information. The wedding is next Saturday, so in just about a week. Our marriage is because of Pierce, our relationship is not. As much as it pains me to forgo the opportunity for so many tropes, the wedding will be very low budget, and there will be no bachelor festivities, because we are severely lacking in time, resources, and money. Also, Annie is our self-appointed wedding planner, so any questions or suggestions about that should go to her. Anything else?”

Everyone shakes their heads, and they break off so Annie can talk to Shirley and Britta about helping her plan (Shirley immediately accepts, but Britta takes more convincing, though she cracks when Annie tells her that “not helping would basically be homophobic”). The dean is talking animatedly with Abed, who’s brows are knit in clear confusion. Jeff comes over and stands next to Troy.

“Congrats,” he says, and Troy turns to smile at him.

“Thanks, man.”

“Yeah. I figured you two wouldn’t be able to resist a scheme like this. I didn't expect it to work this well, though.”

Troy’s mouth goes dry. “What are you talking about?” he asks, though it comes out several octaves higher than he means to.

“Relax, man. You forget how much of my life I spent lying. I recognize a con when I see one, doesn’t mean I don't know how to keep it to myself.”

Troy watches Annie and Shirley pour over Annie's binder. Britta catches his eye and sends him a look that seems to mean HELP ME.

“Just, y’know,” Jeff says after a moment, his former cockiness gone as Troy turns to him “be careful.”

“We’ve planned it out pretty thoroughly. I’m not worried.” Troy tells him, but Jeff shakes his head.

“That’s not what I mean.”

Troy frowns. “huh?”

Jeff finally looks at Troy, studying him for a moment before he softens, shrugging. “Shit gets messy. That’s all I’m saying.”

He walks away, and Troy watches him go, feeling like he’s missing something.

\---

“Goodnight, guys!” Annie calls, shutting the door behind her.

“Goodnight, Annie!” they both call back.

Ten minutes later, they’re both in bed. Troy has just turned out the light, and he can tell that Abed is just as awake as he is.

Troy leans forward so he can sneeze once, twice.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.”

More silence.

It was never like this in the bunk beds. They used to talk so much that they would fall asleep mid-sentence.

“Troy?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“Do you want to come over here?”

Troy lets out a breath, and nods, even though he’s pretty sure Abed can’t see him. He moves over and feels Abed's arms wrap around him like they did the night before. They lay there for a moment, and Troy can finally feel himself getting sleepy.

“Goodnight, Abed.”

“Goodnight, Troy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somebody tell me how you end a piece of writing with something other than the character/characters going to sleep. i dont know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> important revelations, kisses, and Han Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was initially supposed to be the whole week leading up to the wedding, but i got halfway through tuesday and realized that was gonna be way too long so. next chapter will be the rest of the week i guess. all in all i think theres probably gonna be six chapters, maybe seven if something like this happens again. not sure.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sunday passes without incident, and they all meet Monday morning in the study room. They’re just getting sorted when the P.A. buzzes and the dean’s voice crackles through the speaker.

“Students of Greendale. I have a very important announcement. I am sure many of you have already heard the news, but if you have somehow not, I would like to make sure every last one of you is aware.”

“What, that how seriously you take these announcements is lame and borderline depressing?” Jeff asks the speaker on the wall, breaking away from his phone momentarily.

“Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir, two the renowned Greendale seven, now six, are engaged! Who would have guessed it?”

Everyone except Troy raises their hands.

“I’m sure that many of you are just as excited about this as I am. This is a big moment for the school. Onto less pressing news, the cafeteria is shut down for the day due to a family of raccoons living in the vents.”

The dean finishes his announcements, and Annie turns to Troy and Abed.

“I think we should have a roommate meeting tonight to make sure that we’re all prepared for the polygraph.”

“Polygraphs are total bull,” Britta says “they’re an intimidation tactic. They’re inhumane.”

“I don’t know about inhumane, but she’s right about the rest of it,” Jeff says “Trust me, I had to teach several clients how to beat them.”

Annie ignores them. “The test is on Wednesday at five. We really should have taken yesterday to prep, but I think we’ll be okay with just today and tomorrow.”

“What are we even preparing for?” Troy asks “It’s not like we know what they’re going to ask us.”

Annie shakes her head. “That’s the kind of attitude that’s going to screw you over, Troy.”

“I think they’re perfectly capable of doing that to themselves,” Jeff says. Shirley shoots him a look.

**\---**

Troy and Abed leave the school that day without Annie, who is staying late to help the dean with something save-Greendale related. They hold hands, which isn’t actually a relationship-based development.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“Always.” Abed says.

“This morning, when the dean asked who could have guessed about our relationship, you raised your hand. How could you have guessed it?”

Abed shrugs, “Natural narrative progression.”

He doesn’t continue, just keeps walking as though that’s any kind of answer.

“Natural narrative progression?”

“It’s one of the most, if not the most, logical conclusions for our story. In fact, generally the only thing blocking it would be the network.”

“Right,” Troy says. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“It wasn’t relevant.”

There’s a voice in Troy's head shrieking the words “ _It wasn't RELEVANT?_ ”, but he ignores it.

“Uh, what do you mean?” Troy asks, trying to be casual.

“As in, why wasn’t it relevant?”

Troy nods.

“There was no reason to bring up our potential. Also, I wasn't sure of your sexuality, or your awareness of your sexuality.”

“Awareness of my sexuality? Abed, I think I would know if I was gay.”

Abed shrugs. “You wouldn’t necessarily. And I never said gay specifically.”

“Okay, then bi or something. It doesn’t matter. I’m not stupid.”

They’ve gotten to Troy's car. Abed shakes his head as they get in.

“It has nothing to do with intelligence. Some people realize when they’re adults, or even older, and some people realize before they hit puberty. There are plenty of contributing factors, but that isn’t one.”

“Oh.”

_Oh._

**\---**

Troy spends the rest of the drive, as well as the rest of the evening, thinking the conversation over. Abed’s words don’t leave his head, and he’s still running over them as he does the dishes.

“Are you alright?” Abed asks him, from his perch on the counter. They like to sit there and talk when the other is doing the dishes so that they don’t feel lonely. One or both of them usually sits there for Annie, too. “You’ve been quiet all day,”

“How did you know?” Troy blurts.

“Know what?”

“That you were. You know. Bi,” Troy waves his hand noncommittally in Abed’s direction as he says it, and bits of soapy water fly everywhere

“I don’t know. I don’t really think there was a direct cause. It’s like rain - sometimes it spits a little before the storm, and sometimes it all comes down at once. For me, it was the first one.”

“Yeah, but there must have been a time where you knew and then you didn’t.”

“I guess so.”

Abed is silent for a moment. Troy rinses a plate.

“Han Solo.”

“What?”

“Han Solo. if I had to pick one specific thing, that was my bisexual awakening.”

“That tracks.”

**\---**

“I still can’t believe you roped me into this,” Britta grumbles. She’s helping Shirley, Annie, Troy, and Abed sort through options for floral arrangements. Really, she’s helping Annie and Shirley sort through floral arrangements.

“Remember, Britta, everything that you help pick out is another step forward for gay rights that you’re directly involved in,” Annie tells her.

“Also, you’re helping with the holy union of two of your closest friends,” Shirley interjects

“Eh,” Britta and Annie say in unison, shrugging.

“Have you guys decided on a location yet?” Annie asks, turning back to where Troy and Abed are standing behind them.

“Well, it seems most appropriate for it to be at Greendale,” Abed says, and Troy nods “but the study room would only make sense if we were going for some sort of narrative symmetry with Andre and Shirley, which we aren’t. The courtyard is an option, but it’s also a communal space, so we have to discuss it with the dean.”

“Dean-knock!”

“That’s not even clever,” Jeff says, turning away from his phone. The dean makes a face and waves his hand in Jeff's general direction as if to shush him, his hand coming to rest on Jeff's chest.

“I just wanted to see how Greendale's resident lovebirds are doing! And I wanted to remind you that if you need anything at all, my schedule is completely free.”

“Aside from running the school,” Jeff interjects. The dean ignores him.

“Would it be possible to hold the ceremony in the courtyard?” Abed asks.

The dean’s hand leaves Jeff's chest and presses to his own heart. He looks like he may cry.

“Of course! Oh, I've got to go prepare!”

The dean leaves, muttering to himself about feathers.

“It truly is incredible this school hasn’t burned down yet,” Jeff says, watching him go.

“There have been sixty-three fires in the time that we’ve gone here,” Annie says. Jeff shrugs.

“Oh, I've got to go,” Abed says, checking the digital watch on his wrist.

“Where are you going?” Troy asks, as Abed slings his bag across his shoulder.

“Pavel’s sister got a parrot, and they’re trying to teach it polish. He wants me to help.”

“Oh, okay.”

Abed nods. He walks over to where Troy stands, grabs him by the front of the shirt, and pulls him into a kiss. Troy’s mouth catches up before his brain, and he sinks into it before he even registers what’s going on. Abed pulls back both after both too long and not long enough, and Troy is too stunned to say anything as Abed leaves with a brief wave.

Britta reaches up and pats his shoulder, half-teasing. “You alright, bud?”

Troy just coughs, and Britta smirks at him. What the hell?

**\---**

Abed doesn’t get home for a few hours after Troy.

“Are you watching inspector spacetime without me?” He asks, wandering over to Troy’s armchair as he pulls off his bag.

“It’s series 24." 

"The Minerva one."

"Yeah. It was just on, I didn’t think you’d mind.”

Abed shakes his head. He sits down in his own chair, depositing his bag on the floor next to it.

“How was the parrot?”

“Underwhelming. It was just as cool as a parrot speaking English, which is still cool, but not really that different when it's in polish.”

“Damn.”

Abed just shrugs, and they watch in silence for a minute.

“Hey, uh, can we talk about earlier?” Troy says. Abed turns to him, and Troy pauses the show.

“The kiss? I wondered if that was too far. I won't do it again if you don’t want me to.”

“No!” Troy shouts, and then shakes his head at himself for the outburst when Abed's eyebrows shoot up.

“No,” he says again, voice deliberately levelled, clearing his throat, “I was just asking why you did it. I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it again.”

“Oh. I'm concerned about Jeff. He seems highly skeptical. I thought that would throw him off the trail.”

Troy thinks back to his conversation with Jeff on Saturday, to Jeff's promise. “I wouldn’t worry about

Jeff, man.”

“I’m not overly concerned. I just like to be safe.”

“I get that.”

Abed nods, and Troy plays the show again. They keep watching, and Abed gets up to get a glass of water. He lingers in the kitchen doorway, resting against the doorframe for a moment. Troy can feel his eyes on him, but doesn’t look away from the TV.

“Do you want to do it again?”

“Do what?” Troy asks, pausing the show once more.

“Kiss.”

“What, like, now?” Troy asks. It’s (mostly) a joke, but Abed nods.

“Just as practice. So it isn’t awkward next time.”

“It wasn’t really awkward today,” Troy says.

“I know. But it could have been less awkward. C’mere.”

Abed nods his head in the direction of the couch, and Troy follows him. 

“We just need to get used to each other,” Abed says “bar this morning, we’ve only ever kissed when we were both in character. There’s a learning curve.”

“Aren’t we still in character, though?”

Abed pauses, head tilted. “I suppose. We’re in character as ourselves, though. The distinction between who we are and who we’re pretending to be isn’t as clear. It’s easier to predict someone’s behaviour when you’re observing them from the third person”

Troy nods, but stops. “Wait, hold on, what?”

”It’s like how when you’re walking, you can usually walk fine. But as soon as you start focusing on walking normally, you trip. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah.”

Abed puts a hand on the side of his face.

“Same rules as always. If you want me to stop, say so, and I will. Okay?”

Troy nods, and Abed leans in, slotting their lips together. It’s gentle, a test. More of a question than the direct statement that the kiss that morning had been. He pulls back.

“Okay?” Abed asks.

“Yeah,” Troy says. Abed hesitates, and Troy takes the chance to kiss him first. He catches Abed by surprise and it takes a second for him to respond, but when he does, he deepens the kiss, no longer asking. Troy’s hands have just been resting awkwardly at his sides, but one of them comes to the base of Abed’s neck, fingers tangling in the hair there.

Troy distantly registers the sound of a key in the lock, but the door opens before he gets the chance to do something about it.

“Hey guys, I was thinking that we- oh!”

Troy and Abed break apart, and Annie’s hands are raised in alarm.

“Shoot, sorry. I was just gonna say that you’re probably right about the polygraph. I’m gonna go study in my room,” she pulls her shoes off, and won’t look at Troy and Abed as she walks away from them “have fun. Just please don’t, uh, y’know, in the living room. Communal space and all.”

Troy feels his face heat up as her door shuts. He turns to Abed, who doesn’t look at him.

“That was good,” Abed says, “though I don't think we should kiss again unless absolutely necessary.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. You’re probably right.”

Abed nods, and stands, disappearing into the blanket fort. They haven’t gotten around to disassembling it yet, and all of Abed’s clothes are still in it. He comes out wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“I’m going for a run.”

“Have fun,” Troy says, as Abed pulls his shoes on, but he doesn’t respond. The door of the apartment clicks shut behind him, and Troy hasn’t moved from the couch. He feels like he’s missing something.

**\---**

That night, Troy has a dream around three that wakes him up. He can’t get back to sleep, and he untangles himself from Abed, going into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Annie gets up to go to the bathroom. She comes into the kitchen afterwards

“You alright?” she asks, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“Yeah. I had a dream, couldn’t sleep.”

“Nightmare?”

Troy shakes his head. “I don’t think so. I don’t really remember it, honestly.”

“Hmm. nothing?”

Troy thinks for a moment. “I was jealous. In the dream.”

“Of who?”

Troy frowns into his water cup, and downs the rest of it. He turns to Annie just in time to see her stifle a yawn.

“Han solo, I think.”

“Weird.”

“Yeah,” Troy echoes, putting his glass in the sink “weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas is it gay to be jealous of the fictional character your best friend had a crush on when he was like thirteen asking for a friend


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lie detectors, painful silence, and medicated cat food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i know its been a month and a half. apparently i can only write if i'm doing it to procrastinate on schoolwork. good news is i have an essay due next week and then my history final so. hopefully chapter 5 will be out by the end of the quadmester.
> 
> this isn't a spoiler, but britta has a cat in this named joan clawford, whose name i stole directly from my aunt's cat, because my aunt is sort of like britta if she went to art school and was like 80% less generally repressed. i cannot provide a picture, but she (the cat) looks exactly how you're picturing.
> 
> enjoy :)

Annie, Troy, and Abed spend all of Wednesday testing each other on every detail of Troy and Abed's relationship.

“This seems overboard,” Jeff tells them, eying the pile of brightly coloured cue cards on the table in the corner of the library they’ve taken over.

Annie sighs. “Jeff, unless you want to help, i’d kindly suggest that you-”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going.”

When they finally get to the weird-looking office building, Annie is frantically muttering nonsense to herself, and Abed looks alarmed. Troy stops her, putting a hand on her arm.

“Annie, you have nothing to worry about. You’re not lying, yeah? The polygraph is just looking for what you know. You haven't done anything wrong.”

Annie nods a few times, and Abed holds the door for both of them as they go in, sharing a look with Troy.

**\---**

The same lawyer from Greendale, Mr. Stone, greets them in the lobby. He leads them to a dingy room, and they sit across from him as he explains, hands folded neatly on the metal table between them.

“The test will be in two parts. The first part will be individual polygraphs, where all three of you will be separated and asked questions. After that, Ms. Edison will be dismissed, and we will begin the second part. This is a rather unconventional format, but it’s importance was highlighted by Mr. Hawthorne.”

The three of them share odd looks as Mr. Stone sighs.

“The second part of the test will be what is most commonly known as The Newlywed Game. We would like to get started immediately, so if Ms. Edison and Mr. Nadir could please stand, Diane will show you to your individual tests. Mr. Barnes, you will be with me.”

Annie and Abed stand, and a woman with short black hair and a clipboard shows them out the door, holding it open so two people in lab coats can wheel in a machine that looks like the one from the study room. One of the people in lab coats attaches some wires to Troy's hand, and Mr. Stone clears his throat.

“Mr. Barnes, could you state your name for us please? Your  _ real _ name?” he asks, with a pointed look.

“Troy Barnes.”

“Alright. Troy, why are you here with us today?”

“I’m here for a test to see whether or not my engagement is fake.”

“And who is that engagement to?”

“My best friend- er, former best friend, now  fiancé , Abed,” Troy says, and then adds when Mr. Stone is still looking at him expectantly “Abed Nadir?”

“Is that a question?”

Troy shakes his head.

“Good. Now, how long have the two of you been engaged?”

“Almost five days now. We got engaged last friday night.”

Mr. Stone writes something down on the clipboard in front of him.

“Which would have been directly after Mr. Hawthorne’s Will Reading, and would have been just hours after finding out you needed to be married in order to claim the fortune he left for you. Is that correct?”

“It is.”

“Were you in a romantic relationship with Mr. Nadir prior to last friday night?”

“I was not.”

“Mr. Barnes,” he says, with an intense stare that makes Troy shift in his seat “is it in any way your intention to engage in a false romantic relationship with Mr. Nadir in order to receive your allocation of Mr. Hawthorne’s funds?”

Troy takes a breath and shakes his head, not breaking eye contact. ‘’No, sir.’

“Alright. That brings an end to our calibration of the machine. We’re ready to begin.”

**\---**

“When did you first meet Abed Nadir?”

“About four and a half years ago, during freshman year of college. He invited me to join a spanish study group.” Troy tells him, smiling at the memory.

“Right. Mr. Barnes, do you actually speak spanish?”

“I don’t, but that’s because our teacher was a fraud. ”

“A fraud?”

“It means fake? Like, he wasn’t a real teacher.”

“I know what fraud means.” Mr. Stone says, rolling his eyes, “Can you verify this?”

“Probably? Annie and Abed will say the same thing if you ask them.”

“Very well. Troy, can you tell me about your last romantic relationship?”

“Yeah, uh, it was with Britta perry? The same one from the library the other day? We were together for about a year”

Mr. Stone writes this down. “A year? That sounds like it was pretty serious.”

Troy shrugs. “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I mean,” Troy sighs. “I think it should have been? But it always felt like our friends were more invested than we were.”

“Is that why you broke up?”

Troy nods. “Yeah, mostly. I had a talk with Abed a few days before I did it. I was starting to feel unsure, so I talked to him about it, because he already knew everything about our relationship. I wanted adjective advice.”

“Do you mean objective?”

“I don’t think so,” Troy says. Mr Stone opens his mouth to interject, but Troy continues. “It doesn’t matter. I asked him what he thought, and he told me he couldn’t help me because he wasnt me and doesn’t know how I feel. But he actually did say one thing that helped.”

“What was that?”

“He asked me if i could see myself confessing my love to her in the rain. If i couldn’t see myself doing that, then we probably shouldn’t be together.”

“And that was what made you decide to end your relationship with Ms. Perry?”

“Partly, yeah.”

Mr. Stone makes a note. “And, Mr. Barnes, Could you see yourself in such a scenario with Mr. Nadir?”

Troy doesn’t even have to think before he answers.

“I could.”

\---

The polygraph goes on for a little while longer, but it isn’t long until Troy is being escorted to the end of a hall, and brought into a room where Abed and Annie are already seated at a table.

“Hey, guys,” Troy says. Annie moves to get up, as there are only two chairs, but Troy waves his hand and she stays seated.

“How was your polygraph?” she asks him.

“Easy, actually. A lot more talking than I expected. I thought I was just gonna have to list facts.”

Annie and Abed both nod, and Mr Stone clears his throat. Annie moves to stand by the door so Troy can take a seat, and Mr Stone places a whiteboard on the table in front of both Troy and Abed.

“Ms. Edison, I take it you’ll be observing?”

Annie nods.

“I’ll have Catherine bring a chair in for you. We’ll begin shortly.”

A woman in a lab coat Troy doesn’t recognize comes through the door not long after, with two folding chairs under her arm.

“Sir, Do you think it would be possible for me to observe as well? I just started here, and-”

“Sure, sure. Just be quiet.”

Catherine nods, and sets the chairs down. Her and Annie both take a seat, and Troy sees Annie whisper something that he doesn’t catch.

“I’m assuming you are both aware of the rules of The Newlywed Game,” Mr. Stone says, “but I’ll explain anyways, for clarity. You both have a whiteboard in front of you. I will ask you questions, you will both answer them privately, and then show them to me to verify that they match. We are operating on a three strike basis. Three answers that do not match, and you both fail. Understood?”

Troy and Abed nod.

“Alright. What is Mr. Nadir’s birthday? You have fifteen seconds”

Troy turns his board around first.  _ March 24th _

Abed follows, with  _ March twenty-fourth _

“Great.”

\---

The rest of the test goes just as well. Mr. Stone asks a question, Troy and Abed are both right, every single time. Everything is perfect, until-

“What religion does Mr. Barnes currently practice?”

They both start writing, and Troy winces as Abed turns his board around, reading  _ Jehovah's witness. _

“That is incorrect. Mr. Barnes?”

Abed frowns at Troy as he turns his board around, reading  _ none. _

“None? How long has it been none?” Abed asks.

“Uh, a few months?”

“How many?”

Troy scratches the back of his neck. “Fourteen ?”

“Fourteen? That’s more than a year,” Abed says. Troy’s not sure how to respond.

Mr. Stone clears his throat. “We really should-”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Actively hiding information without an active misdirection is still a lie. You lied, Troy.”

“I know, I know I did. And I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, I just, I don't know. I kind of thought you would figure it out? I haven’t been to kingdom hall in, like, two and a half years.”

“Can we please just move on?” Abed asks, turning away from Troy.

“Abed, look-”

“Continue, please,” Abed says to Mr. Stone.

“Gladly. What is Mr. Nadir’s favourite movie?”

_ a tie between Ghostbusters, An American Werewolf in London, Back to The Future, Blade Runner, Stand By Me, Stripes, Star Wars IV through VI, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Jaws, Raising Arizona, Jurassic Park, Seven, The Matrix, Goonies, Breakfast Club, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, The Fog of War, and Pulp Fiction _ , Troy writes. They’re practically handing these to them.

**\---**

The ride home is quiet.

“That went well,” Annie says. Neither of them answer.

Troy looks over to the passenger seat to see Annie clutching a small scrap of paper. “What is that?” he asks. Abed, who is sitting behind Annie and staring out the window, looks up.

“Oh, uh. Nothing,” she says, shoving it into the pocket of her jeans.

Troy looks at the rearview mirror, trying to catch Abed's eye. Abed ducks his head back down, and doesn’t look back

**\---**

Abed still won’t talk to Troy the next day.

“Well. that’s a sign of a happy marriage,” Jeff says, watching Abed pointedly ignore Troy over lunch, “one groom giving the other the silent treatment two days before the wedding.”

Annie  _ tsks _ and smacks his arm.

“Every couple has their own way of working out their issues, Jeffrey,” Shirley says, “this is Troy and Abed's, and we have to trust that it will work for them.“

Jeff rolls his eyes.

Abed speaks directly to Troy for the first time later that night, appearing in the bathroom doorway as Troy brushes his teeth.

“I’m going to sleep in the blanket fort tonight.”

“Why?”

“I think that it might be best if we distance ourselves a bit.”

“Abed, look, if this is about the jehovah’s witness thing-”

Abed holds up a hand. “It isn’t. I think this is the smartest decision moving forward. I don’t care about that anymore.”

“You don’t?”

Abed shakes his head.

“Oh. well, okay. Goodnight, i guess.”

“Goodnight. Also, I apologize for my behaviour today. I may have overreacted.”

Troy shrugs. “It’s fine. Still best friends, right?”

Abed blinks several times. “Right.”

He turns abruptly on his heel and retreats into the blanket fort, leaving Troy feeling more lost than ever.

**\---**

The next morning, Abed has traded in the silent treatment for something far worse- pleasant small talk. At the end of the day, Troy is ready to snap.

“Britta, i need to talk to you.”

Britta, Annie, and Shirley all look up from where they’re studying around a table in the library.

“Is everything alright?” Annie asks.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Troy says, and then shakes his head “actually, no. It's not. Everything is super screwed up and I feel bad because I love you guys and didn’t mean to make you all worried but I kind of need to talk to Britta alone because i think maybe my head is going to explode.”

The girls look up at him, and Britta nods.

“Yeah, okay. Let me grab my stuff.”

Five minutes later, they're sitting on a bench outside the library building, Troy's mouth moving faster than his brain as he unleashes everything that’s happened in the last week, hoping desperately that one of Pierce’s lawyers isn’t spying on them in the bushes.

When she opens her mouth, he expects either weirdly genius advice, or a sarcastic comment. Or weirdly genius advice in the form of a sarcastic comment. Instead, he gets-

“What are you doing right now?”

“What am i doing right now?”

“Yeah, like, do you have plans?”

“No?”

Britta stands, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Great. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

**\---**

They end up at Britta’s apartment.

“No offense,” Troy says “but I was kind of expecting something more exciting.”

Britta shakes her head.

“More exciting is the last thing you need right now. Also, Walter needs medication every three hours. So if you want to talk, it has to be here.”

Troy flops down on the couch, Joan Clawford finding her way into his lap.

“She always liked you,” Britta says, watching him stroke the top of her head.

“I feel like the amount of time I spent with your cats while I was here should have been a hint about where our relationship was headed,” Troy says, but Britta shakes her head as she procures a blister pack of pills from a drawer.

“No way. It was sweet,” she says, “Besides, we broke up because you  _ didn’t _ like pussy, not because you did.”

Troy feels like his insides are filled with cold water, and he stands up so fast that his knee hits Joan in the head on his way up. Britta doesn’t even notice, counting out pills in the palm of her hand.

“Britta, what are you talking about?”

“Oh, shoot, sorry. Is it too soon for jokes? It was right there, I didn't even think about it.”

“I’m not gay,” Troy says, and Britta frowns.

“What? Dude, we just had a whole conversation about how you got into a fake gay wedding but then you realized you actually are gay, and now you don’t know what to do because you want your fake gay wedding to your heterosexual lifemate to be a real gay wedding. Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“What? No! I’m here because my friend and I are having a fight!”

Britta just shakes her head. “Hold on.”

She stands up and walks to the kitchen, taking a glass out of the drain tray and filling it with water. She hands it to Troy, who downs half of it in one go, and she works on hiding several bright yellow pills into a bowl of wet cat food as she speaks.

“Troy, i want you to employ even an ounce of critical thinking here. Why were you marrying Abed in the first place?”

“To get Pierce's inheritance.”

“Right,” she says, setting it down on the floor as Walter comes running “But why  _ Abed _ specifically?”

“Because he offered.”

“But why did you accept?”

“Because,” Troy says, “it’s Abed. Why would I say no to hanging out with him for six months?”

“Even though hanging out was going to involve things like kissing him, and holding his hand, and calling him your husband? None of that mattered?”

“Of course it  _ mattered, _ it just...”

Troy trails off, going over the last week. The dreams, how that feeling in his chest,  _ easy _ it had been to settle into this new rhythm with Abed. He thinks about laying close to Abed at night, the sound of his breathing and the weight of his arms around Troy. The slope of his nose in the morning before school, softened by the dim light from the slowly rising sun, Troy not wanting to disturb Abed right before his alarm. The way Abed's hand slots perfectly into his, the way that it always has. All these years…

“Holy fuck.”

Britta gives him a small, encouraging smile.

“I’m in love with Abed.”

“There you go!” Britta says, with a punch on the arm, as though congratulating him on a touchdown. Troy rubs the spot gingerly as she continues “Therapy! Boom! Hey, could you tell the group about this?”

Troy gives her a look, and her face falls.

“Right. You should probably tell Abed first.”

Panic shoots through Troy. “I didn’t even think about that,” he says, slumping against the counter defeatedly and covering his eyes with his hands.

“Good job!” Britta says, in a high pitched voice. Troy moves his hands to see Britta petting Walter, and she awkwardly clears her throat as she moves to put his now empty bowl in the sink. “Sorry. Not you.”

“Britta, seriously. What am i gonna do? Abed hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you, Troy.”

“Are you kidding? How do you explain how he’s been acting since the polygraph, then?”

“You want my honest answer?”

Troy nods.

“I think he feels the same way, Troy. And I think he’s scared. I think he got into this without thinking about how hard it was going to be, and wednesday made him realize he’s flown too close to the sun. So now he’s trying to backpedal without disrupting the plan and screwing you over.”

“So what do i do? I can’t just tell him how i feel.”

“Why not?”

Troy opens his mouth to answer, thinks for a moment, and then closes it again.

Britta grins. “Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha cliffhanger !! am i real writer now? i made you suffer and now im going to drop off the face of the earth for three weeks. that's gotta count for something.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thunderstorms, weddings, & a lifelong ban from Denny's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm actually very excited to be posting this. the first half of this chapter was written all the way back in august. The idea for it came to me in the middle of the grocery store, and i just wrote it all in one sitting as soon as i got home. very happy to be sharing it with you all :)
> 
> also, [this](https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/646196246522135080/) is the fc for the oc introduced in this chapter :) the real fc is my friend danica, but im not gonna post pictures of her publically, so have this image from pinterest that sorta looks like her instead
> 
> just btw, this chapter is more or less the end of the story, with just the epilogue left.
> 
> thank you all for reading!

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

Troy shakes his head. “It’s not that far. Plus, I could use a minute to process all of this.”

Britta nods, and leans in to hug him. “Good luck.”

“Thank you, Britta. Really.”

They separate, and she waves her hand dismissively. “It’s nothing. Go get your man.”

Troy grins.

**\---**

It starts to pour rain within five minutes of Troy leaving Britta's apartment. The walk is still fifteen or so minutes, but he’s here now and doesn’t want to turn back and get Britta to drive him, so he just pulls up the hood of his sweater and keeps walking.

By the time he gets to the apartment, he’s soaked. He reaches into his bag for his keys, digs around for a minute, and curses. He had left with Annie and Abed that morning, and hadn’t anticipated not coming home together. And Annie still won’t let up about the brick in the door, so now he’s locked out.

Whatever. It’s the twenty-first century. He pulls his phone out of his pocket to call Abed, but-

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck. _ ”

His phone is soaked, and won’t even turn on. He has no choice but to go around the side of the building and starts throwing whatever he can find at the window, grateful that they only live on the third floor.

“Abed! Annie! Anyone!”

The rain had let up for a bit, but it’s back in full force. He can barely hear himself over the rush of it in his ears, so he doubts that anyone inside can. Plus, he can’t really see, so he’s pretty sure most of the sticks and bits of gravel aren’t even hitting the glass.

“Troy?”

The window slides open and Abed leans out, holding one hand above his face to protect himself from the rain.

“Abed!”

“Did you get locked out?”

Troy nods, but realizes there’s no way Abed can see him.

“Yeah. can you come let me in?”

The window slides shut. Troy chooses to take this as a yes.

He lingers in the alley, scuffing the gravel with his drenched sneakers. He looks up to see a familiar figure coming around the corner of the building and walking towards him. There’s so much Troy needs to say, but all that comes out is-

“Why don’t you have an umbrella?”

Abed comes closer, and shrugs.

“Rain as cinematic as this is a rare opportunity. I didn’t want to pass it up.”

Troy laughs, and looks up to the sky. “Feels like the end of a romcom. Like the big confession scene”

“Something like that,” Abed says. It’s the most conversation they've had since the fight, and Troy is encouraged.

Troy rubs the back of his neck, and turns back to him. “Abed, listen-”

“I’m in love with you.”

Troy’s brain is in about the same state as his phone is. “What?”

“I’m-”

“No, I heard you.”

There’s silence. The couple that lives down the hall from them runs past, laughing and shrieking as they hold a jacket above their heads for shelter.

“You can take your time,” Abed says, completely genuinely, “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t even have agreed to this in the first place. I just wanted to help. If you don't want to-”

Troy cuts him off by pulling him in by the shoulder and kissing him.

Abed’s hand rests awkwardly midair for a moment, before coming to rest on Troy’s cheek. Thunder rumbles distantly as they separate.

“Huh,” Abed says, after a beat.

“Yeah. huh.”

“I feel like I should have seen that coming.”

Troy shrugs. More thunder, this time accompanied by a threatening flash of light.

“We should probably go in,” Abed says.

Troy kisses him again.

**\---**

Annie is in her room studying when they come in, and they’re careful not to disturb her.

Once they’ve changed and dried off, they end up sitting across from each other on Troy’s bed.

“Abed, I'm sorry,” Troy says, but Abed shakes his head.

“Don't be. You shouldn't feel like you have to tell me things if you really don’t want to. I know friends don’t lie, but that doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to have privacy.”

“That’s not it,” Troy says, and he takes Abed's hand. “Look, Abed, I… I wanted to tell you. I just didn’t want to say it out loud? At first, anyway. I didn’t even want to think about it. And then it just got to the point where it was way too late to even think about telling you. So I just… didn’t.”

“Troy, it’s fine. Really,” Abed tells him, squeezing his hand.

“That’s good. Because I, uh. I really want to keep kissing you.”

Abed smiles, and leans in.

**\---**

“Let me get this straight-” Annie says, looking between Troy and Abed incredulously

“Or not,” Britta interjects, holding out her hand for Jeff to high-five. He does, and Annie rolls her eyes before she continues.

“The two of you have been fake-engaged and subsequently fake-dating this whole time for the inheritance, but now you’re real-dating but still just engaged for the money?”

Abed nods. Shirley glances warily toward where their joined hands rest atop the study table.

“And you don’t think it’s a little early in your relationship to be getting married?” she says, “This happened, what, last night? The ceremony is just in a few hours. I‘m worried about you boys rushing things.”

“You weren’t worried before,” Abed says, with a tilt of his head. “A week isn’t really that much more than a day. Why the sudden concern?”

“Well, er….” Shirley trails off and glances toward Jeff, who is suddenly very focused on his blackberry.

“Jeff?” Troy says, and Jeff glances up with the phoniest lawyer smile Troy has seen in the last five years.

“Yeah, bud?”

“What’s going on?”

“How should I know? Hey, don’t we have a wedding to plan?” Jeff says, moving to stand, but Britta stops him, pushing him back down in his chair.

“Time to fess up, winger. It’s like they say- If you can’t keep your trap shut, you gotta pay the price when a fly goes down your throat.”

“That’s not a saying,” Leonard calls as he passes by the study room

“Shut up, Leonard!” she calls back “my cousin works at Denny's. I know you’re banned from the entire chain for life!”

“That waiter had it coming!”

“Anyways,” says Britta, “spill, Jeff.”

“Ugh, whatever. Troy, after our conversation at your apartment last Saturday, it’s possible that I may have told some of the group about the finer details of the, uh, legitimacy of the engagement.”

“All of us. He told all of us, plus the dean. Barely even waited until we were in the elevator.” Annie says to Troy and Abed.

“What? Jeff, are you serious?”

“I’m sorry! She’s exaggerating, though, they practically forced it out of me!”

“Yeah, because you kept going on about knowing something us “children” didn’t!” Britta says, and the two of them descend into bickering that the rest of the table ignores.

“She’s just mad because the two of them were betting on it, and she lost,” Annie says, and Shirley nods.

“Betting on what?” Troy asks.

“When the two of you would announce the whole thing had been fake but now it wasn’t. Isn't? Whatever you just announced,” Britta says. “Jeff had today, I had yesterday.”

“Well, we did technically get together last night,” Abed says, and Jeff shakes his head.

“Nope. we were betting on the announcement.”

“Is that why you were so forceful about me talking to Abed last night?'' Troy asks, and Jeff snorts.

“You even managed to Britta cheating.”

Britta huffs and rolls her eyes.

“Wait,” says Abed, ignoring both of them and turning to Troy, “you came to talk to me because of Britta?”

Troy nods. “It didn’t quite go as planned, plus you ended up confessing first. But yeah, I did.”

Abed turns to Britta.

“Thank you.”

Britta slumps in her chair, and won’t look at them as she mumbles an apathetic “whatever” and shrugs, but her face is bright red, and she’s smiling.

**\---**

“I told Abed that he was going to make some man very happy someday,” Britta says, adjusting Troy's tie.

“We should listen to you more often,” Troy says, grinning, and Britta shakes her head.

“Probably not. Remember the whole “the worst” thing?”

“Hey, c’mon. Stop with that. You’re the best! Think about where we’d be right now without you.”

Britta smiles and leans up to kiss his cheek.

“Thanks, Troy.”

He catches sight of Abed across the courtyard, smiling warmly as Jeff laughs, and his insides feel like jelly in the best possible way.

“You ready?” Annie asks, coming up next to him, clipboard in hand.

“Definitely.”

**\---**

There’s a small reception in the study room after the ceremony, that’s really just the group and the few other guests that had attended hanging out and chatting, with a space cleared in one corner so people can dance to a radio hooked up to Britta’s second-hand iPod.

“At some point,” Abed had told Troy when he asked, “you have to prioritize the fact that it’s February, and freezing cold outside, over avoiding unnecessary parallels.”

“Ladies, gentlemen, and Dean Pelton. A toast!” Jeff calls, standing from his chair, “to Troy and Abed. May their marriage be bright, and may the six dozen bets that came to an end this week win all of you many riches.”

Troy smiles as everyone claps, and Abed leans down to kiss the top of his head.

The room delves back into chatter, and the study group makes their way to each other in a corner.

“Has anyone seen Annie?” Jeff asks.

“She said she had to go pick up her plus one from the parking lot,” Shirley says. “But that was ten minutes ago. I’m not sure what she’s doing.”

“Plus one? Who’s her plus one?” Britta asks. “Everyone she knows is here.”

Abed frowns for a moment, before turning to Troy, eyes wide. Just as he opens his mouth, Annie strolls through the study room, her arm linked with a familiar-looking girl that Troy can’t place.

“Hey, guys,” Annie says, giving the group a wave with her free hand, before gesturing to the woman next to her “this is, uh, my date.”

“Catherine, right? From the polygraphers?” Abed asks, and the familiarity clicks into place in troy’s head.

“God, call me Cat,” she says, “but yeah.”

“Sorry-” Britta shakes her head, “date? Like… romantically?”

Annie flushes as she nods. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you guys for a while, and then I met Cat and it just… seemed right.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence in which Annie looks terrified, before Jeff clears his throat.

“Well. we’re all very, er, happy for you, Annie. Cat, are you familiar with the Lindbergh Lean?“

Cat smiles, and nods. 

Jeff gestures to the makeshift dance floor, and Shirley, Britta, and Jeff all follow her onto it so they can join the group of dancers.

Annie hangs back, looking up at Troy and Abed with a bright smile.

“I’m so happy for both of you. I knew you’d figure it out.”

“We’re happy for you too,” Abed says.

“Yeah,” Troy adds, “Cat seems cool.”

“She is,” Annie says, nodding as she rocks on her toes. She looks between the two of them for a moment. Before reaching her arms out and pulling them both into a hug.

“I love you guys,” she says, softly.

Troy tightens his grip on her and Abed, and takes a deep breath.

**\---**

Later, the music has switched to a slower song, and Troy and Abed (as well as a few other couples) are swaying gently to the music.

Troy is leaning his head against Abed's chest, one arm around his waist and one holding his hand, with Abed’s other arm around his shoulders.

He pulls back for a moment to look up at Abed. “You don’t think Shirley was right, do you? About us getting married too fast? I know it’s kind of a unique situation, but still...”

Abed is quiet for a moment, considering this, and Troy is content to let him be.

“I don’t know,” he says, eventually. “I really don’t. I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out.”

“I guess you’re right,” says Troy, leaning his head back down.

“Plus,” Abed says, hooking his chin over Troy's head, “it’s not like we’ve ever been conventional. Why should we start now?”

Troy snorts softly. “You’ve got that right.”

Abed’s arm tightens around his waist, the solid weight a welcome comfort that makes Troy feel safer than he has in ages.

He’s pretty sure they don’t have to worry all that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEFORE ANYONE GETS ON MY CASE i know the line isnt actually "you're going to make some man very happy someday". i misheard the line when i rewatched the episode a few months ago, and was thoroughly humiliated by replies/anons after making [this post](https://readandwritesilver.tumblr.com/post/621244871296024576/can-not-stop-thinking-abt-britta-fixing-abeds-tie). but ive decided to ignore that because i can :) guys dont you love when britta told abed he would make some man very happy someday in community episode 03.11 urban matrimony and the sandwich arts :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of an era, a glimpse into a new one, and a tupperware of cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are!! end of an era!! and it only took me.... seven months. important part is that we got here, i guess.
> 
> if you saw me post ch6 like a month and change ago..... no you didnt. i dont know what i was thinking with that version, if youre one of like twelve who read it i will pay you real money to forget it. not actually but. im close.
> 
> also its worth noting that i literally only finished this because of a program that makes my keyboard make clacky typewriter sounds when i type, which i only discovered because of an undertale joke i saw on tumblr. so what im saying is that, technically, youre only reading this right now becasue of undertale. jsut some food for thought.
> 
> ok, enjoy :DDD

“Well,” Mr. Stone says, looking over six months of documents and notes that he’s spread across Troy and Abed’s dining table. “I think that’s everything.”

“Really?” Troy asks. He nods, not looking up.

“Yep. Your money should be ready to pick up from our office by Monday, and you’re free to get divorced as early as tomorrow. I’d advise waiting until the cheque has been cashed, though. Just to cover your asses.”

Troy exchanges a look with Abed, who is sitting next to him. He turns back to Mr. Stone. “We’re not getting divorced.”

Mr. Stone laughs. “It’s alright. This is all off the record. I was actually going to congratulate you on your performance. Not that I have much to compare it to, vis-a-vis sham marriages, but it was excellent.”

Troy’s frown deepens as Mr. Stone stands and starts to pack his things, and he’s about to try to argue again when Annie comes through the door.

“Jerome! I thought I'd missed you!”

Mr. Stone grimaces, as he usually does, at the use of his first name, but Annie doesn’t notice as she hurries into the kitchen.

“Did the guys give you cookies?” she calls. “I made them last night, I told them to give you some.”

“No, they didn’t, but I’m really alright-”

Annie comes out of the kitchen with a Tupperware in her hand, which she passes to him, and he reluctantly accepts.

“Those are the ones I made for the company picnic last month,” she says, gesturing to the container as he tries to shove it in his bag. “Cat said you wouldn’t stop talking about them.”

Mr. Stone nods, a faint smile visible on his face before turning back to Troy and Abed, still seated at the dining table. “I have to say, I’m glad the two of you passed. Pierce was, and pardon my language, sort of a dick. I thought from the start that it was unfair what he was doing to you.”

Troy and Abed both nod. He gives them one last smile, and he’s gone.

“I’m sort of gonna miss that guy,” Troy says.

Annie and Abed both nod in agreement.

**\---**

“To Troy and Abed!” Jeff calls, raising his glass over the bar “May their marriage and inherited wealth cause Pierce to roll in his grave for years to come!”

Everyone clinks Jeff’s glass and drinks, except Britta, who smiles fondly at them as she continues to clean a class.

“Why do you guys always have to hang out at the place where I work?”

Jeff shrugs, and she rolls her eyes.

“Since when are you above drinking on the job?” Annie asks, mostly teasing.

“The manager is leaving at the end of the summer. I’m trying to get promoted,” she says, and everyone raises their eyebrows at her. “What? You guys don’t think I can get promoted?”

“Of course we do,” Troy says. “It’s just... why do you want to?” 

Britta shrugs. “I don’t know. I know that therapy has been my endgame this whole time, but I sort of like it here. Plus, I’d need to go back to Greendale for at least another year, which I’m not doing.”

“You're not coming back to Greendale?” Jeff asks, and she shakes her head.

“Nope. I decided a couple of weeks ago that I’m done. I talked to The Dean a few days ago. I’m gonna pick up my diploma when the office opens again next week.”

Jeff frowns, going quiet for a moment, before looking up and glancing around at the group. “The rest of you guys are coming back though, right?”

Nobody responds. “Seriously?”

“I’m sorry, Jeff,” Annie says, first to crack. “But Cat’s going to try to get me an internship in the forensics lab. I can’t do school at the same time.”

“Forensics lab?” Abed asks. “Doesn’t she work at Mr. Stone’s law firm?”

“She does, but it’s not a law firm. I don’t actually know what you’d call it, really. It’s basically just a catch-all for rich freaks and their legal-goings on.”

They’re all quiet for a moment, imagining what Annie could be talking about. “So, wait,” Jeff says. “Where are the rest of you going?”

“Well,” Shirley says, folding her hands on the bar and looking around, “I'd been waiting for the right moment to tell you all this, but I leave for Atlanta next Friday. My father is getting older, and my sister is moving to Chicago, so it’s time for me to step in. I’ve got a job set up and everything.”

Jeff turns to Troy and Abed. “What about you guys?” he asks, a little desperately.

“Well, uh,” Troy says, taking Abed’s hand. “Nothing is official, but we’ve been looking into houses in L.A.”

“L.A.?” Jeff asks, and Abed nods.

“We have a real estate agent up there who's been taking us on tours over skype and emailing us pictures. We’re flying up there next week to see some of them in person, and we want to have actually bought a place before we fly back to get our stuff and say goodbye.”

“In a few years, there’ll be a nerdy community college student reciting monologues from  _ Abed’s  _ movies the first time he meets his future best friends,” Troy says, “And there’s no shortage of air-conditioners that need fixing in L.A..”

Abed smiles warmly at him, but it quickly fades as he glances over at Jeff, who appears to be having some sort of existential crisis.

“You alright, bud?” Britta asks, reaching over the bar to poke his cheek.

“Yeah,” he says, snapping out of it and shaking his head “it’s just… weird. We’ve spent five years together, and by the end of the month it’s all gonna be gone.”

Jeff’s words hand over them as they all nod, sipping their drinks in silence.

**\---**

“Okay. I’ll call you later. I love you. Bye.”

Troy comes into the room just as Abed's sliding his phone into his pocket, plopping down next to him on the couch and leaning into his side so Abed can wrap an arm around him. “How’s Annie?”

“She’s good. The honeymoon is going well. Cat even managed to get her to stray from the itinerary she planned for three whole hours.”

“That’s big.”

“I know. Where’s Molly?”

“Oh, she’s-”

Troy is cut off by pounding footsteps as their four-year-old daughter comes running down the stairs and into the living room, almost falling over as she skids to a stop in front of her dads.

“It’s two-three-zero.”

“Is it?” Troy asks.

She nods. “I was watching the clock in your room. Baba said at two-three-zero we could go to the park.”

“I did say that, didn’t I? Let’s go get your shoes on” Abed says to her, standing up and scooping her into his arms. She shrieks as he lifts her up, but calms down and starts to excitedly babble at him about her plans for the park.

Troy stands, and lingers in the living room for a moment. He can see the front hall from where he is, Abed crouched in front of Molly, tying her shoes (he had finally managed to get the hang of it, just after their application for the adoption had gone through). He smiles as he watches them, Abed nodding his head at Molly's chatter, before seemingly making a joke, poking her knee and grinning as she erupts in giggles.

“Daddy! Hurry up!” Molly calls, snapping Troy back to reality. She and Abed are in the front hall, hands joined together, and Abed is watching him in that way like he knows exactly what Troy’s thinking. All these years, and Troy still isn't totally used to the fact that he probably does.

Abed holds out his free hand, the other one firmly clutched by Molly, and Troy takes it.

“You alright?” Abed asks, and Troy nods.

“F-Y-N-E.”

Abed smiles, and lets go of his hand so he can pull the door open. He steps outside (rather, he’s pulled outside very forcefully by Molly, who’s barely started preschool and is already freakishly strong).

Troy, as he always has been, is right behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just by the way, because i could not figure out figure out for the life of me how to work it in but it is deeply important to me that you know this, shirley is married to a woman in that last bit. my headstone will say "shirley bennett was a lesbian" on it and i will push this agenda until the bitter end.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on [Tumblr](https://readandwritesilver.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/HOMINGPIGE0N) if you want
> 
> As always, any and all feedback is appreciated :)
> 
> Much love, Clover <3


End file.
